and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
