i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
