Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
