Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
