things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm passing your future prison.
she told me i tasted like america
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
