Screwed.edu
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
