Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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