; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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