so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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