Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
