I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
