btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
