so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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