it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
