Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize