Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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