Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
