Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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