fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think i peed on brittanys purse
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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