maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
