I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I enjoy the company of your penis
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
