maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want a musical about memes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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