You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
