at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize