Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
