this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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