I'm really into asian looking animals
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
