Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
