Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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