Cold hands, warm shart.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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