He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
