I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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