Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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