I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
