I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
