Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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