just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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