I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
