Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
