Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
