Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
