Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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