Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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