So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
