wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
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The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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