i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
3pm strippers are depressing
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
