Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
