we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
