I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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