I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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