...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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