Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
