drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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