best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
