My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize