Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
